Desperate to Change Your Life?

by Carol Hess on July 15, 2012

These days I’m obsessed with the power I have to change myself and my life.  And it’s all because of three powerful women writers – Danielle LaPorte, Debbie Ford, and Ellen Berg.

I’m halfway through Danielle’s The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful & Practical Guide to Creating Success on Your Own Terms.  This book is inspiring people all over the world to come together in groups and light a fire under themselves and each other.  I just joined such a group facilitated by Kate Northrup, and I have a feeling it’s going to be one of those scary great life-changing experiences.

And then there’s Debbie Ford’s Courage:  Overcoming Fear & Igniting Self Confidence.  It’s touted as providing, ”. . . a life-altering path to discovering confidence and authentic self-expression.”  Yum!  Who wouldn’t want to eat that up for breakfast?  Which is probably why I’m on my second helping – I mean reading.  I’m smacking my lips over this delicious serving of personal empowerment.

But it’s Ellen Berg of The Hairy Edge who really got me going with this blog post:  Stop Half-Assing Your Life.  (Warning:  If you don’t want to change your life, don’t read this post!)

Sure, maybe Danielle and Debbie got me prepped with their wonderful words of wisdom and the passionate way they deliver them.  But it was Ellen who got me to take action.

And action is what it’s all about, Folks.  Don’t get me wrong.  I love words and philosophical discussions and books as much as the next guy.  I’m a blogger after all.  But if you want to change your life, you’ve got to take action.

Ellen Berg knows this.  And that’s why she asked the question that punctured my comfortable, cozy comfort zone of all talk and no action.

“When is the last time you were all-in for one of your dreams?  For your life?”

 Silence.  Hear the crickets chirping?  (That’s for you, Jenny!)

“When is the last time you were all-in for one of your dreams?  For your life?”

 Um.  Never.

You mean like no holds barred, going for it, declaring it non-negotiable, not stopping til you get it kind of all-in?

Yep, that would be never.

I’ve never gone all-in for anything.  Ever.  And that makes me very, very sad.  For me.

So I decided that before I celebrated another birthday, I was going all-in for something.  But what?  I had to decide in a hurry since my birthday is July 19th.  So July 4th (interesting choice) I declared myself all-in for my own self-care.

Silence.  Damned crickets again.

I know.  You’re yawning.  You’ve heard it before.  Hell, you’ve said it before.  And you’ve definitely heard me say it – over and over and over.  Especially when it comes to losing weight.

But this time was different.  I could feel it.

First of all, I wasn’t feeling the usual Monday morning diet euphoria.  I was feeling the shit-I’m-scared-what-did-I-just-make-a-commitment-to kind of feeling.  The same feeling I had 14 years ago when I quit drinking.  The same feeling I had 6 years ago when I stopped smoking.

Second, I am an older, wiser woman these days.   I already know I’m not going to do this all-in for self-care thing perfectly.  I’m just going to do it.  So when the day comes I don’t do it perfectly (it’s already happened), there’s no need to jump back off the bandwagon and declare myself a failure.  It’s about keeping on keeping on.

Third, this isn’t about a final number on a scale or a clothing label.  It isn’t about counting calories or exercise reps.  It’s a change that starts on the inside and eventually manifests as a change on the outside – not the other way around.  Transformation is an inside job.

All-in for my self-care means three kinds of changes.  First, a change in my beliefs.  Yes, I am worth this effort.  Yes, I can and will do this.  Yes, this is going to be a wonderful adventure.

It’s also a change in the choices I make – not just about food and exercise but also about the way I talk to myself, treat myself, allow others to treat me, allow fear to make so many of my choices for me.

And, finally, it’s a change in my actions.  I can talk about going all-in.  I can write about going all-in.  I can read about going all-in.  And then I need to take the action of going all-in.

I think most of us would rather forget about that last part, the action part.  But that’s where the pedal meets the metal.  The tire meets the road.  You either damned well do it or you damned well don’t do it.  Your choice.  Your action (or not).

If you are yearning for a change in your life, YOU have to make it happen.  You’re the only one who has the power to change your life.  But take Danielle and Debbie along for the ride.  They’re great traveling companions.

And when you’re absolute panting and desperate for change in your life, ask yourself Ellen’s question.

“When is the last time you were all-in for one of your dreams?  For your life?”

Answer it.  Then choose something be your own personal all-in.  Make your choice a bold one.  One worthy of you.  Then do it.

The results will astound you.  You will astound you.

So what do you say?  Ready to share your all-in commitment with us here at Star Polisher?  State it loud and proud!  Nothing like a little bit of accountability and a whole lot of love and support.  Works magic every single time.

by Carol Hess


Categories Personal Empowerment, Self Care, The Art of Star Polishing

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar Joanna Saunders July 15, 2012 at 10:40 pm

Really great call to action Carol. I think you have really nailed it. When you said: it is different this time, I may not do it perfectly …and then you don’t quit just because you didn’t do it properly. I can definitely sense a shift. Good Luck GOING ALL-IN. :)


avatar Carol Hess July 17, 2012 at 8:56 am

You’re right, Joanna. A shift is going on for sure. This feels like the “real thing.” Thank you for your support! Gratefully accepted. :)


avatar Sarah | Holistic Hot Sauce July 16, 2012 at 11:47 am

Change is so freakin’ scary. But you are so right. There is a power and huge propulsion when you make that commitment to be ‘all in.” You’re so right here Carol – it’s not about perfection, or getting it exactly right, or measuring up to someone else’s standards. It’s simply about this commitment to yourself. It changes everything!
I’m off to look for Debbie’s book now!


avatar Carol Hess July 17, 2012 at 8:57 am

Sarah, I’ve always been good at making commitments and keeping them to other people but not so much doing the same for myself. This feels like a kind of liberation — actually loving myself enough to commit to me. Simple, but not always easy. You’re going to love Debbie’s book. I just know it.


avatar Ellen Berg July 16, 2012 at 2:50 pm

“You either damned well do it or you damned well don’t do it.”

Yes and amen. It’s like that line in Shawshank Redemption where the character says, “Get busy living, or get busy dying.” We are doing one or the other at all times. Living might require more effort, but it’s also more rewarding.

Yay for Carol going All In on her self-care!


avatar Carol Hess July 17, 2012 at 8:59 am

Thanks, Ellen, oh mighty helper to those getting ready to leap off their cliffs. :) With every choice, we are either going toward our life or away from it. And it’s interesting how life gets better and better the more we make choices in its favor.


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