Is It That Time of Year Again?

by Carol Hess on February 14, 2012

After dinner last night, I made a run to the drugstore and was surprised to see the store bustling with people.  Actually, it was bustling with men – all of them milling around the picked-over Valentine’s Day cards and stuffed animal displays.  To a man, they had the worried, shell-shocked look of the battle-scarred, last-minute romantic holiday shopper.

I’m a big buyer of Valentine’s Day cards because I’m a single woman with a fair number of single women friends and relatives.  February 14th isn’t the single woman’s favorite day of the year, so I spend some time and effort picking out funny cards and writing appropriately wry and witty notes in them.  I wasn’t able to find any heart stamps this year, but I did make a special trip to the post office to be sure the cards would arrive on time.

So I didn’t have a lot of sympathy for the last-minute would-be lotharios who were disgruntedly grabbing the first card and/or stuffed animal they saw.  Their efforts seemed rather half-hearted (pun intended) at best.  If you’re going to go in for the Valentine’s Day hoopla, then at least do it wholeheartedly (yes, pun intended).  Gentlemen, the degree to which your lover rewards your efforts will be in direct proportion to how much time and thought (no, not money) you expended.

No, my Valentine’s Day sympathies lie (as always some would argue) with the women.

  • The women who are in a relationship with last night’s romance reprobates.
  • The women whose partners are Valentine’s Day bah humbuggers.
  • The women without lovers on this day for lovers only who still manage to put on a brave face but who secretly yearn for a Valentine’s surprise from a secret admirer.

Having survived many a loverless February 14th over the years, I have some words of advice for my Valentine’s Day-challenged sisters:

  • What does or doesn’t happen today isn’t a measure of how loved or lovable you are.  It just isn’t.  Believe it.  Today is the perfect day to start.
  • The most important relationship in your life is the relationship with yourself.  All love begins with loving yourself.  Today is the perfect day to start.
  • Don’t wait for someone else to romance you.  Romance yourself.  Today is the perfect day to start.

Now, if you will excuse me, I’ve got to go check my mailbox again.  I’m sure my secret admirer is just running a little bit late this year.  Or maybe he couldn’t find a good enough card and/or stuffed animal at the drugstore last night.  Yes, that must be it.

PS — Since I posted this, I have been to my mailbox.  And, lo and behold, there was indeed a card from a secret admirer!  I suspect it might be from the kids next door, which means I have three secret admirers.  That’s about all any one woman can handle, don’t you think?  Mustn’t be greedy. :)



by Carol Hess


Categories Carol's Musings, Personal Empowerment

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar San D February 14, 2012 at 1:53 pm

I do the same thing. This year I ordered vintage reproduction valentines cards from eBay months in advance, along with rubber stamps. I stamped and sent out 29 Valentine’s cards to everyone that means something to me (including relatives and my sister’s grandchildren). I don’t always remember their birthdays, but February 14th I CAN remember. People are always surprised when they get them (although I don’t know why, been doing this for years). I think it is because of the trauma we all endured as children when we had to stuff valentine’s in our classmates “boxes” and you weren’t quite sure if you were going to get one or not. And I agree with you, start with loving yourself before you even try to love someone else or be loved by someone else. When you love yourself, you have a more meaningful definition as to what love can be.


avatar Carol Hess February 14, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Okay, San D, I want to know how to get on YOUR Valentine’s card list! :) I absolutely adore your last sentence. “When you love yourself, you have a more meaningful definition as to what love can be.” I couldn’t agree with you more. Well said. Happy Valentine’s Day!


avatar Nikki February 14, 2012 at 2:03 pm

Hi Carol,

My man had been “too busy” and is going to get me “stuff” today and cook me dinner later. I suppose I had better at least be somewhat happy with that, right? I had been dropping a few hints, but I expect they fell on deaf ears (ears preoccupied with more important things, you understand).

Today a male friend lamented that, “Us guys have it tough at this time of year”. His wife also did without a card this morning, but she’ll receive some kind of last minute ‘love offering’ later. He joked, “Every day is Valentine’s Day with me!” Hmm….

It’s funny and frustrating at the same time, because it’s really not hard! It might be different for other ladies, but I’m happy with a heartfelt card, a bunch of flowers, and some quality time together. That’s not tough, surely!

Whinge whinge, whine, whine. The grass isn’t always greener, single gals… Remember that 😉


avatar Carol Hess February 14, 2012 at 9:02 pm

I think Valentine’s Day might be the perfect example of how men and women express their love differently. But what do I know? I’ve been single for so long, that I claim no understanding whatsoever of the opposite sex. (And they say we’re the ones who are hard to figure out. Ha!) Yep, the grass is definitely greener on your side of the fence today, Nikki — getting “stuff” and having dinner cooked for me looks pretty good to this single woman right about now. BUT, I did get a card from a secret admirer today. That was fun!


avatar Nikki Groom February 15, 2012 at 5:00 pm

Reading that back, I realized I sound a touch ungrateful. To set the record straight, my card was cute/funny, the meatloaf was delicious, and the TV didn’t get switched on ONCE. We just relaxed, chatted, and listened to The Beatles. It was purrfect.

In fact, Kelly Diels put a status up last night on Facebook that said “romance can’t be frog marched” and it was a bit of an aha! moment for me. Tokens of affection are all well and good (and actually super awesome to receive), but why do they have to be restricted to ONE day out of 365? Silly, really.

I think my desire to receive SOMETHING on Feb 14th comes from years of not receiving ANYTHING. I was deprived for so long, ya see (cue everyone pulling out their teeny tiny violins and playing me a sad little ol’ tune.)

PS. Secret admirers are SO much fun!


avatar Carol Hess February 15, 2012 at 5:57 pm

Glad to hear your Valentine’s Day was so purr-fect, Nikki. Ah, expectations and past deprivations — they do set us up, don’t they? I remember one Valentine’s Day being unhappy because somebody did make a big deal of it, and I didn’t want him to. But that’s a story for another day. :) Here’s to loving and being loved every day of the year!


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