The Secret to Weight Loss (and Just About Everything Else)

by Carol Hess on February 16, 2012

Ten years ago, the therapist at the treatment center revealed the secret to weight loss to me, but I didn’t get it.  I wasn’t ready to really hear her wisdom, take it in, and act on it.  So I kept eating, and I kept gaining weight.  Everything I did to lose weight didn’t work – at least not in any meaningful way that led to permanent weight loss.

And then, slowly – very, very slowly – I started to get it.  Once I started to get it, I started to read about it.  Karen Anderson, a seasoned loser of weight and very wise woman, wrote about it in this must-read post.  Marianne Williamson, Geneen Roth, and Victoria Moran also wrote about it.  Lo and behold, the secret to weight loss (and just about everything else) is starting not to be so much of a secret after all.

But just in case you haven’t read Karen’s blog (and you really must, especially if you struggle with your weight) or any of the other great writers I’ve mentioned, I will humbly reveal the #1 weight loss secret to you.  Are you ready?  Here it is.  (Drum roll, please.)

It’s not about how much you eat or how much you weigh.  It’s about how much you love yourself.  It’s not so much your relationship with food that needs to change as it’s your relationship with yourself that needs to change.  Self-love.  That’s the big secret to weight loss (and just about everything else).

Yes, I know.  Believe me, I know.  It’s hard to love yourself when you’re a fat woman in a fat-phobic society.  It’s hard to love yourself when you keep breaking your dieting word to yourself.  It’s hard to love yourself when you hate what you see in the mirror.  But even though it’s hard, it’s what you’ve got to do.

I haven’t got this self-love thing figured out, that’s for sure.  But I’ve got just enough of it on board these days that I’m not going to give up on myself.  I’m tired of settling for second-best.  I’m going to love myself right into first-best health and a first-best life because that’s what I deserve.  And so do you.

There is one thing I am going to give up though and that’s my Lone Ranger act.  I can’t do this by myself.  I need help.  I need encouragement, inspiration, and a gigantic dose of empowerment.  And I know just where to find it – Green Mountain at Fox Run.  Check them out.  They are not your typical weight loss treatment center  They are much, much more.  And that’s why I’ve entered Karen Anderson’s contest to win one free week at GMFR.  Wow!  Keep your fingers crossed.

However, just in case I don’t win the contest, I’m going to get started right now today on “Carol’s Love Myself Lean Program.”  What about you?  Now that you know the secret to weight loss (and just about everything else), what are you waiting for?


by Carol Hess


Categories Personal Empowerment, Relationship with Food, Self Care, The Art of Star Polishing, Weight Loss

{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }

avatar Shawn Driscoll February 17, 2012 at 9:55 am

Great post Carol.
Sometimes we just really don’t want it to be about the inner work. Just tell me what to eat and do and I’ll do it. Except we don’t. I really appreciate this reminder because I can be darn good at being disappointed in myself when I don’t do what I said I’d do (like work out, eat right, etc…). And I know that beating myself up just makes it worse!

I see you winning that contest!



avatar Carol Hess February 17, 2012 at 12:07 pm

Yep, that inner work can be a toughie, but then it pays off in all sorts of ways, including self-care. And you are so right, Shawn. Coming down on ourselves creates a vicious cycle — don’t do what I said I would do, beat up on myself about it, feel bad about myself, do even less than I said I would do. I wonder what would happen if we were gentle and loving with ourselves around the issue of self-care and kept our expectations low so we could celebrate more wins and give ourselves more pats on the back? It just might work!

Keep holding that vision of me winning the contest, Shawn. I love it! And I’ll let you know WHEN it happens. :)


avatar KCLAnderson (Karen) February 17, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I love the idea of Love Yourself Lean!! And thank you so much for entering the giveaway…this is a wonderful, heartfelt post and I have no doubt that it (loving yourself lean) “works” :-) It takes a lot of trial and error but it is possible with patience, and of course, love…


avatar Carol Hess February 17, 2012 at 4:17 pm

So excited to see you here on my blog, Karen. I just got done reading your latest post and am cheering you on. You will get there. I know you will. By the way, your book has been promoted from semi-permanent bedside table resident to permanent coffee table resident so I can pick it up and enjoy it any time I want.

You’re so right — lots of trial and error together with lots of patience and love. Even though I didn’t win your giveaway (sniffle), I’m determined to get this love my self lean thing down. So, in about 2 minutes, I’m closing up shop early and taking myself on a date to the movies because (1) I love myself and (2) I deserve it!


avatar Sandi Amorim February 17, 2012 at 2:01 pm

Whoa Carol…this post triggered a whole lotta Lizzie chatter in my head:

Why do I always have to do the work? Why is it so easy for others? This is not fair. I”m not playing this game. Self love – meh! And so on and so on.

That’s how I know it’s a bullseye!


avatar Carol Hess February 17, 2012 at 4:20 pm

Since when does Lizzie get to go along on your wonderful vacation in Hawaii?! Tell her to get the blank outa there! (Or tell her you’re going to do the hula naked in front of everyone and give her something to really chatter about! LOL) So glad this post stirred you up, Sandi. I’m a big fan of bullseyes. 😉


avatar Sheila Cartelli February 19, 2012 at 7:40 pm

A worthy discovery and one that will propel your efforts, I’m sure. How would you present this message to the young girls and teens who are all too easily falling into the same thought patterns today?


avatar Carol Hess February 20, 2012 at 9:10 am

That is a terrific question, Sheila, and a very difficult one to answer, which I’m sure you know, given your work**. Probably one of the best ways to get the self-love message across to the kids is for the parents, especially Mom, to model it. But if Mom isn’t able to do that, then it is an uphill battle given society’s emphasis on the outside and not inside person.

Star Polisher readers, what do you think? How do we communicate the self-love message to our children?

**(Sheila is the owner of Healthy Starts Today and a certified holistic health coach. She uses her expertise and experience to simplify nutrition for busy parents and their kids and helps familes develop fun, easy ways to improve their diet.)


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